Life has thrown me so many stones that I thought I would collapse under the heap.
In my early teens, I was uncontrollable. The boys and men I had sex with never stayed. The alcohol disappeared and I would sink deeper in despair. I didn’t bother about who touched me where – I was a girl for public use.
Before you judge me, listen to my story. I am one of so many girls acting in a self-harming way because of a horrible beginning in life.
From the age of six, I was sexually abused by young uncles. Incest did not exist in my world in Kabarole, in rural Uganda, and later in Kampala, the capital. Sex was a way of life, not a way of giving pleasure, love and respect.
When I reached puberty, I just went on having sex with anyone. I did not think of unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases and HIV. I didn’t know about these things.
Worse, I shut my ears to the few health education programs available in the early 2000s.
I got pregnant at age 15. I didn’t have a clue that a baby was growing inside of me. Someone who noticed told my family. Protecting the family name, they took me to hospital and the pregnancy was terminated.
Word got around in my boarding school. Nobody talked to me. My friends abandoned me. School became hell. To be expelled, I burnt my mattress.
Out of school, I was wild and reckless. In 2008, I got pregnant again. My boyfriend left me the moment I told him I was pregnant and had tested HIV-positive during the first antenatal care visit.
I was put on antiretrovirals (ARVs) and my beautiful baby girl was born HIV negative. But I didn’t follow the instructions of exclusive breastfeeding for six
months. I had little milk and no money for food for her or for me. She acquired HIV, nearly died and started ARVs when she was eight months old.
I am happy to say she is now a healthy, bouncy five years old.
Adolescence is a turbulent time and young people need guidance to navigate it safely, says our blogger, herself a survivor of teen turmoil, who now counsels youth about HIV and unwanted pregnancies.
Turn around
This was the turning point in my life. I wanted to, I needed to live differently.
I looked around and saw so many young people getting infected, feeling miserable and dying. AIDS is the biggest killer of teenagers in Africa today.
I thought: who knows how many have gone through a hard childhood like me? I can use my experience to warn young people about AIDS and unwanted pregnancy. And for those who already live with HIV, I can help them live positively.
I can give the one thing I never had: someone to talk to, someone to guide me. A red light telling me to stop.
I have seen the impact my story has on young people every time I share it. Young people can relate to me, to my hard life. And I can relate to their daily doubts and struggles.
Sometimes I see my uncles. I have not confronted them. I have forgiven them; I can’t dwell too much on the past. I have to let go or I won’t be able to move on with life.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. My painful past was an on-the-job training so today I can help young people live healthily and safely in the times of HIV.
Barbara Kemigisa is an HIV/family planning campaigner who lives positively with HIV in Uganda. When she is not campaigning, she dabbles in fashion design, plays guitar, composes and sings R&B songs about living with HIV with the same passion she puts in her work towards zero new infections.
I just attended the Grassroots Women’s International Academy on Home Based Care in Johannesburg, South Africa.
It was a mixed bag of fun meeting women from all walks and works of life from Kenya, Cameroon, Uganda, Malawi, Nigeria, Ethiopia, Rwanda, Zambia, [...]]]>
I just attended the Grassroots Women’s International Academy on Home Based Care in Johannesburg, South Africa.
It was a mixed bag of fun meeting women from all walks and works of life from Kenya, Cameroon, Uganda, Malawi, Nigeria, Ethiopia, Rwanda, Zambia, Ghana, Namibia, Zimbabwe, and South Africa.
Caregiving in Mozambique. Photo: Janine Morna
The Huairou Commission and the Land Access Movement of South Africa brought us together to share experiences of home-based care.
It is fascinating how in Malawi the care givers alliance has moved forward. Victoria Kalomba, of the Malawi Group of Women Living with HIV and AIDS told us that the ministry of health and social development had spearheaded a campaign to raise awareness about people infected and affected by HIV.
The process had the ministry informing the support groups of individuals who had tested positive after visiting clinics so they could be reached and helped.
I am worried about this way of outing positive people even in the aim of mobilizing support groups. I feel that it is a human right violation to have to give information of someone’s HIV status.
Victoria was less worried. She said that the government has passed a policy that makes any name calling of people living with HIV a criminal offence. Okay.
Yet there is always stigma, just like one hears sexist and racist comments daily. Just because it is punishable has not stopped people from abusing or victimizing others. So I am wary of this and rather uncomfortable.
Next move
For caregivers, the issues are:
· remuneration,
· training and recognition of care givers as professionals,
· logistic and material support,
· psycho-social support to care givers and
· gender equality, and encouraging men to participate in care giving
Our next move is to lobby governments to recognize care work as a profession.
Carers ease the burden of disease. Photo: M. Sayagues
My sense is that there is a need for an alliance to assist in forming one body to represent caregivers. Most women caregivers said they felt disrespected, as they are not recognised for all their care work in health. No thanks are coming their way. They are very sore and disheartened at this lack of recognition. To move forwards, they require a voice to represent them.
One caregiver from Ethiopia said: “I will be taking so much home! I have realised that there are other countries struggling with lack of government support in the area of care work. We hope to continue to be in touch, especially on the issue of the alliance”.
To be able to laugh, as we share these issues, gives one hope. It is a strategy that I feel will take these unsung heroes to greater heights and at some point their voices will be heard.
As we said farewell, I felt a strong bond of sharing experiences and a need to continue the network.
I am sure I will meet most of these passionate women at this week’s SADC Heads of State Summit in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo, where today GEMSA is launching its report “Making Care Work Count – A Policy Analysis.”
The study covers Botswana, Democratic Republic of Congo, Lesotho, Malawi, Mauritius, Mozambique, Namibia, South Africa, Swaziland, Tanzania, Zambia and Zimbabwe.
GEMSA will strategize with civil society partners to lobby around care work in these countries.
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