• Wednesday, April 16, 2014
  • A program of IPS Inter Press Service supported by the Dutch MDG3 Fund

    Nepal`s single women instigate much needed change

    liliy-thapa-small

    By Lily Thapa.
    Director and founder of Women for Human Rights, working to support single women who have lost their husbands.

    When my husband died I was 29 years old with two young children. I was educated and from a professional middle-class family in Katmandu, the capital of Nepal. My husband was of similar background.
    But with his death I realized for myself that education could make inroads into a society only up to a point. In Nepal which is mostly a Hindu society, deep-rooted religious traditions, some of them blatantly discriminating against women, are difficult to change. And this is what I faced, an experience so traumatic that I was jolted into working for change.

    As is common practice I lived with my husbands-in-laws and had three children. The first steps after my husband died, was expectations that I, as a widow, follow the religious norms. This meant, among other things, drastic change in my lifestyle. I had to wear white clothes for a year, cut my hair, and completely reject any jewelry. I still recall the time when I was forced to take off my nose ring. When I found it difficult to get rid of my nose ring, I was confronted with a knife yielding man who was ready to cut it out. I was horrified. I was suffering from the loss of my husband but also was now face to face with the torment of my family. The life of a Nepalese widow, I realized, was inhuman.

    This is why I gathered enough courage to start a movement to support women who loose their husband. When I started out, there were many female groups fighting for women`s rights but had not really taken up the discrimination against widows. So a group of widows got together to talk about our concerns and how we can face the future. At the beginning we just hugged each other and cried. Even that was a huge relief to us, to have the space to talk about the discrimination each one of faced. Some of the women said they were treated like animals and made to feel utterly unworthy members of society just because they did not have husbands. They were treated as symbols of bad luck and shunned by their neighbours. They had no property rights. Widows were often kept away from their own children as her offsprings were commonly called “ horses without saddles.” Indeed, poverty is part of a single woman`s life. With women in rural areas in particular marrying as young as 17 years, the chances of her loosing her husband when she is still quite young, is high.

    I realized these practices were aimed at keeping women ignorant of their rights. So, since I was working as a teacher, I began to use a classroom in the school as a place where we could get together, Later, I registered myself in a management programme in Sweden where I learned how to launch and sustain my own group. This was a turning point in my life. I returned to Katmandu and started a volunteer group of women without their husbands and their supporters and we worked to raise the public profile of the issues we faced and showed to other that we can contribute to betterment society. Towards advocacy we conducted research on religion and culture and discussed objectively the roots of discrimination against the message of harmony and tolerance which is the strongest message in any religion. We invited various stakeholders in social development including religious leaders and the older generation and our events showed to them how discrimination is not really written in the religion. We also compiled evidence that proved widows are forced into prostitution, face sexual and other physical abuse and are tormented by being separated from their children. The mother-in-laws who have usually spearheaded the discrimination, change immediately after they listen to us and they realize the wives of their dead sons are the women who represent the spirit of their husbands. By also providing livelihood training and education we have also helped the young mothers to restart their lives again by becoming economically independent.

    Major achievements of our advocacy include pressuring the Nepal government to have a National Action Plan for Widows under the Ministry for Women`s Affairs and an Emergency Fund for Widows to help them to begin life again. Some legal changes for single women are there is no need for male consent for single women to apply for a passport and property already inherited when she married, does not have to be returned. There are currently 425 groups of single women in 68 districts registered under my organization. Total number of members are 40,000. We are now lobbying for the government to provide job quotas, discounts on transportation and we also need to establish more single womens groups at the district level and increase members. My work must go on.

    • kristie

      Hi Lily,

      You are an inspiration! And a role model for many women including myself. I would love to meet you and I’m based in Kathmandu. Please make contact.

    • kandel nurapati

      there are so many women who vectimeised in different parts like her house, friends,service holders, relatives etc.it is the main cause is lack of education in women.until our parents do not want to give education to hid daughters so first of all we should give the important of education to the daughters.then they use about human right and their life will be safe.thanks Lily Thapa and so many human right organization of the world .

    • Ramdevi Tamang

      Dear Madam
      I am very pleased to have read your article on the web page.Could you know me? I am Ramdevi Tamang. The chairperson of single women group Kavre distict. Now we have such program proposals to be submitted relating to the women empowerment,environment and domestic violence. Could we share it with you?
      Ramdevi Tamang.

    • Ramdevi Tamang

      I am very much glad to know your life history. I also want to follow your way and become like you. Your bibliography will certainly make the women enthusiastic in women wefare program
      Ramdevi Tamang.
      Kavre.

    • http://www.inpea.net bar12345

      The Ingernational Network on the Prevention of Elder Abuse held, yesterday, a side event at the UN Human Rights Council in Geneva on the occasdion of the “6th Annual Commemoration of World Elder Abuse Awareness Fay (WEAAD)”. We had a speaker from the UN/ECE and WHO and I spoke recisely on the plight of widows in many parts of the world, especially Asia and Africa.
      The widows or single women’s networks are doing marvellous work and I am very happy I got your e-mail.
      I am INPEAS representative at the UNO in Geneva.
      All the best, I think it is marvellous what you do.All the best Ursula Barter-Hemmerich

    • Srijana Lohani

      I liked your article but i saw that you wrote two young children after your husband died but I think it is three young children.

    • http://nowebsite Srijana Lohani

      I liked your article and I saw that you have written two children when your husband died but as far I know I think it is three young children there is a mistake in typing

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